Best of the Valley 2001

Our fourth annual readers survey

Life in the City

BEST HISTORICAL LANDMARK

Hoover Dam

On Sept. 27, the American Society of Civil Engineers named Hoover Dam (that's "Boulder Dam" if you're a native) "a Civil Engineering Monument of the Millennium." The 726-foot-gigantic river stopper joins the Panama Canal, Kansai International Airport in Osaka, Japan, the Golden Gate Bridge and the Empire State Building, to name a few, in this select hall of wonders.

It is indeed a wonder: a high, solid, art-nouveau monument to humanity's greed, arrogance and ingenuity, with cool, sky-jabbing sculptures and shiny inlaid constellations to boot. It's also the plug/flush handle for the Las Vegas Valley's drinking/toilet bowl and serves water and power to millions more. So it's considered pretty precious. That's why, we suppose, your constitutional right to free speech is suspended atop the dam -- federal security, ma'am, please stop waving your flag and shouting for peace.

BEST EXAMPLE OF PRETENTIOUS ART

(tie) Bellagio lobby, bronze Crazy Girls, mural at City Hall, flashlight

Poor Las Vegans. It's not like we're flooded with public art projects from which to choose the most dreadful. But c'mon, we asked for "pretentious": the bronze Crazy Girls sculpture at the Riviera is merely tasteless and common, y'all already killed the City Hall tile mural, and the dead flashlight sculpture on the UNLV campus is just plain goofy in a utilitarian artsy kinda way. Which leaves us with the Dale Chihuly garden of glass flowers encrusted on the ceiling lobby of the Bellagio as the winner. That works. But, personally, we're sad that the Siegfried-&-Roy-with-tigers sculpture, exploding in ghastly huge blandness Strip-side, got only one vote.

BEST PLACE FOR WORSHIP

(tie) Red Rock Canyon, Cheetah's and home

?!? Bless you my children. Nature's way is best. But, still, it's a little shocking that only a few churches made the list, and not resoundingly. Oh well. Herein, apparently, lies the secret to leading a deeply spiritual life in Las Vegas: First, head out to Red Rock Canyon for a little alone-time with God or the lizards or what/whoever soothes your soul. Then hightail it downtown to Cheetah's for some, uh, titty action? And then, ahem, wend your way home to pray. For whatever.

BEST KIDDIE STOMPING GROUND

Circus Circus

Oh puhleeez. Little gamblers-in-the-making. Kiddie slots, er, games. In my day, we made fun of the Circus Circus and all those who wasted their hard-earned allowance in there. In my day, we considered our chores to be the best fun to be had. Mowing, clipping, shoveling, folding, ironing, hammering, chopping, hauling rocks -- what more could a kid want? Circus Circus. Whatever. Whee.

BEST UN-VEGAS SPOT

Red Rock Canyon

Yeah, yeah, and I bet you go there to pray, too, dontcha? But you're right: Those red rocks were here long long long before Spanish travelers came through and dubbed the area "Las Vegas" after the spring-fed greenery down in the valley, and certainly before the Chamber of Commerce came in and took pictures and started promoting loose slots and cheap buffets with a red rock-pink sky backdrop. So, actually ... that wonderland of stripy, spotted Navajo sandstone and Keystone Thrust limestone is more Vegas than Vegas.

BEST SPOT FOR A GOOD CRY

Home

Ah, we're a shy, sorry lot. No public hairtearing and eyesogging for us, no, we keep our sorrows safely contained where no one but the dog can bear witness. That's OK, home is indeed a time-tested, foolproof cry spot. Oh -- some gentle advice for the person who claimed that "red lights" were the best spot for a good cry: Go home. Nobody wants to see you in that condition. Get a move on. Outa my way. Honnnnnk! Also, confidential to the one who answered, "behind tree by Metro after dark": Are you OK? And finally, for those who voted, yet again, for Cheetah's: Get a life. Oops, sorry, didn't mean to make you cry.

BEST SPOT FOR OUTDOOR SEX

Red Rock Canyon

Apparently, nothing gets our readers going

like wild burros, steep cliffs and frigid rivulets. Or maybe it's affordability ($5 tops, compared to $30 for three hours at the Del Mar Motel). Whatever the case, there's apparently a lot more going on at Red Rock than hiking and rock climbing. Mount Charleston was runner-up. The most Vegasy vote: top of the Harley Davidson Cafe's parking garage.

BEST SPOT TO HEAR AN OLD FART RAMBLE

City Hall

So maybe our readers aren't quite as clever as surveys indicate. In fact, it's damn near impossible to figure out what they were getting at here. Perhaps they were taking a swipe at our long-winded and somewhat long-in-the-tooth mayor. Or maybe they were targeting the citizens who frequent City Hall. Mark Slaughter's house and Judge Joseph Bonaventure's courtroom received one vote apiece.

BEST PLACE TO PICK UP ON A TOURIST

McCarran International Airport

While unconventional, the winner of this category makes sense strategically. It never hurts to beat the competition to the punch and what wide-eyed Texan or Washingtonian could turn down help with his or her bags, a guided tour of the Strip and a free place to crash? The Fremont Street Experience, a magnet for small-budget travelers, was runner-up. Note to parents and the local authorities: Some sicko voted for Circus Circus.

BEST PLACE TO BE AT 4:20

(tie) Red Rock Canyon, home

The distance from the city hustle-and-bustle, the wide open spaces, the privacy and the contemplative scenery -- yup, if there's anywhere to smoke a jay, it's Red Rock Canyon. Quite the distance for any city-dweller stoner to travel just to get high, our favorite outdoors spot is nonetheless our favorite toke spot. And come Daylight Savings time, that sunset oughta make the world's most popular minute even sweeter. Of course, if the fresh air is too much for you, there's always the bedroom.

BEST PLACE FOR TARGET SHOOTING

The desert

Surprisingly, not a soul nominated that weird community near Pahrump, which disallows press interviews of any sort unless first you learn to wield a machine gun. Anyway, "the desert" is a mighty obvious answer. Some of you got more specific: 93 Ely Exit, Boulder City dry lake bed, end of Ann Road, Charleston near Red Rock (isn't that Summerlin now, folks?), and "between Indian Springs and Beatty." A few smartyboots mentioned the Strip, which brings us back to the Circus Circus arcade, we presume. Well, now we know where to keep our heads low.

BEST ROAD TRIP DESTINATION

Utah, we think

You're all over the map here -- which kinda makes sense. However, in terms of most votes: Brianhead, Utah, tied with Red Rock Canyon. But since RRC is already our church, our sanctuary and our favorite outdoor place for taking a toke and for conjugal relations, let's give it a break. Also, others voted generically for "Utah," or specifically for Springdale and Park City, Utah. So get out of town, all of you -- git! Go to Utah! Leave those red rocks in peace. Special note to the two people who nominated "Pahrump": Aren't you supposed to be at Cheetah's?

BEST VEGAS EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE

Traffic

This category garnered several amusing votes -- the dice were hot, a stripper stole my car, there are no clocks in the casinos -- but traffic, not surprisingly, won hands down. Interstate 15 is one long construction zone; the segment of U.S. Highway 95 from the Spaghetti Bowl to Rainbow Boulevard is often congested; and don't even think about cruising north on the Strip on weekends. The Las Vegas Beltway? We've seen dirt roads that handle traffic with more grace than this curvy, yet-completed project.

BEST TRAILER PARK

Circus Circus RV Park

When we created this category, we had traditional trailer parks (which Vegas is overrun with) in mind. However, our readers voted mostly for the recreational vehicle parks that accompany many low-stakes gambling dungeons. Silverton's RV park finished a close second to Circus Circus', and Sam's Town's RV park and the Tropicana Trailer Park tied for third. How Eldorado Estates, a gated trailer community (now th

at's classy) on West Twain Avenue, went voteless we have no idea.

BEST MOB HAS-BEEN HANGOUT

Piero's

After being pushed out of the action by a bunch of candy-ass corporate types, you'd think the mob couldn't leave town fast enough. But leftovers remain and, according to our readers, Piero's is an ideal spot for them to congregate. Owned by Fred Glusman, the Convention Center Drive-based restaurant features dim lighting, live entertainment and Italian fare. The Bootlegger, Capozzoli's and the Flamingo Hilton hotel-casino also received votes.

BEST PLACE TO DUMP A BODY

Lake Mead

It's probably a good thing that our readers didn't come up with many creative votes for this morbid category. Lake Mead, which basically screams "dump a body in me," easily outdistanced the desert and the Las Vegas Wash. Lake Bellagio, home of the dancing fountains, received a couple of votes and the Aladdin's echoey Desert Passage garnered one.

BEST 'BURB: HENDERSON OR SUMMERLIN

Summerlin

Our lone multiple choice category was closely contested -- and it's easy to understand why. Both Henderson and Summerlin are largely devoid of nightlife, cultural arts outlets and character. But sparkling Summerlin, perhaps boosted by the presence of the Regent and Suncoast hotel-casinos, edged out Hooterville in the end. Despite the category's multiple choice format, votes were also cast for Green Valley, Pahrump and North Las Vegas.

BEST PLACE FOR MEN TO CRUISE WOMEN

The Beach

Several quality nightclubs have debuted in Las Vegas in the past three years and yet the Beach, which won our Best of the Valley '98 issue's Best Place to Pick Up Women category, still dominates the local singles market. The two-level club, which is located at the corner of Convention Center Drive and Paradise Road, is open seven days a week and offers a variety of door and drink specials for women. Part of the Beach's appeal is it attracts a balanced blend of locals and tourists and the bartenders are pretty much naked. Sundays, Mondays and Wednesdays are "Ladies Night."

BEST PLACE FOR WOMEN TO CRUISE MEN

Studio 54

Opened in December 1997, the MGM Grand's Studio 54 has evolved into one of Vegas' most well-rounded nightclubs. It features a variety of music (from disco to hard house), attracts locals and tourists (Tuesday night's "EDEN" is particularly popular with the former) and, according to our readers, is an ideal spot for girls to pick up guys. On Friday and Saturday nights, 54 is slammed. However, it has two entrances (one on the first level and one on the second), so the wait to get in rarely exceeds 30 minutes. A tip for local ladies: If you're trolling for a tourist, hang out on 54's first level; if you're looking for a local fella, level two is where you want to be.

BEST PLACE FOR WOMEN TO CRUISE WOMEN

(tie) Flex, Free Zone and Gipsy

Considering the weak voter response in this category, we are led to believe that women looking for women in Las Vegas have very few options. Free Zone, of course, is one of them. Located on East Naples Road between Paradise and Swenson, it features a ladies night on Tuesdays and happy hour specials on Wednesdays from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Flex and Gipsy are gay-lesbian venues, but cater predominantly to men. On weekends, however, both attract a nice blend of open-minded individuals. Strip joint Olympic Garden also received votes in this category.

BEST PLACE FOR MEN TO CRUISE MEN

Gipsy

Located on Paradise Road just south of the Hard Rock hotel-casino, Gipsy has catered to the local gay community for more than 15 years. And, despite increased competition, the venerable club remains synonymous with gay nightlife in Las Vegas. It opens nightly at 10 p.m., and is currently in the process of being renovated. Buffalo, another Paradise Road establishment, finished a close second. Flex, the transgender Las Vegas Lounge and Studio 54 also received votes.

Taking Care of Business

BEST YOGA STUDIO

"And this is??"

While there were no actual winners for this category, the res

ults were very telling. It seems our readers either really don't know what a yoga studio is, or (more likely) don't care. That's all right. You are entitled to that. Among the actual establishments that received a vote: Yoga Institute of Nevada, Dance, etc., Silver Springs Recreation Center, Sporting House and Here and Now. Hats off to them. Saying that Las Vegas has not been taken over by the yoga craze is synonymous with saying it has held its own and not become completely Californicated ... yet.

BEST PLACE TO GET BUFF

(tie) 24 Hr. Fitness, Gold's Gym

This category turned into a popularity contest between the major gym chains in town. Those results are not exactly in line with an "alternative" audience of an alternative newspaper, but the people (you) have spoken. Strangely enough, any of those gyms could have been good candidates for the "Best yoga studio" category, since they all offer yoga classes, but whatever. If you all like being one of the cool kids and hanging out where everyone else hangs out, who are we to argue? We can only thank the alternative heavens above that the Q didn't get a single vote. Indian Springs (the prison), however, did. Good job, guys.

BEST HEALTH STORE

GNC

Although no one knew where to go for vegetarian food, everyone knows where to hook up their pills (the good shit, man). This stands as further proof that the most popular route to health is not through eating healthful, organic foods, but supplementing your diet with all sorts of vitamins and stimulants. It's always the easier, softer way for the Las Vegans.

BEST HAIR SALON

(tie) Euphoria, Curl Up & Dye, Kapture

Las Vegas is still a far cry from Los Angeles or New York City. There is no one snooty hairdresser that has everyone who is anyone lining up for months in advance to have their hair touched by the best. Judging from the winners of this category, it's the name of the salon that will make or break it. That isn't to say these aren't good salons, but there is something to be said for the fact that none of the names are lame. So, if you are looking to be a contender next year, be sure to budget some money for the creative publicity department.

BEST USED BOOKSTORE

Albion Book Company

For the fourth consecutive year, our readers have voted Albion the Best Used Bookstore in the valley. Located on the northeast corner of Desert Inn Road and Eastern Avenue, the 6,000-square-foot store boasts 150,000 titles in 400 categories. Looking for $2 paperbacks? Albion's got 'em. How 'bout rare first editions? It's got those, too. Albion also carries an impressive collection of sheet music and vintage magazines. The 12-year-old bookstore's lone drawback is it closes at 6 p.m. daily.

BEST PLACE TO BUY VINYL

Big B's Records

Las Vegas is actually blessed with several different retail music outlets, but only one is truly geared for the music connoisseur. So it's probably no surprise that independently owned Big B's also boasts a respectable, well rounded, new-and-used selection of vinyl that caters to both club and bedroom DJ. Looking for an old Marvin Gaye record, the new Elliott Smith six-inch and the latest Bedrock remix? There's only one place in town for such a shopping list. (Disclosure: CityLife contributor Marco Brizuela is an employee of Big B's.)

BEST DVD SELECTION

Best Buy

And we thought CityLife readers were canny bargain hunters in these straitened times. Nope. You're obviously rich, still gainfully employed and/or too unadventurous to venture further than the local video store. Two facts to consider. First, with extensive adult, family, Hong Kong, music, TV, animŽ and (bizarrely eclectic) foreign sections, the Wow! Superstore has a much bigger DVD selection than any Blockbuster. Second, last weekend Best Buy, Blockbuster, Wow!, Suncoast and even Amazon.com were all charging $75 for the must-have Godfather DVD Collection. Meanwhile, Big B's had it for $60, as well as Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace at an unbeatable $15 (compared to

Best Buy/Amazon's $23). Talk about best buys.

BEST AUTO SHOP

None

Either you Las Vegas automobile owners are mighty cynical, or you've just had the damnedest time finding a mechanic's shop that not only gets the car running again, but doesn't screw your checkbook over in the process. We can empathize on both fronts ourselves. Hell, the only reason we even included this category was to get some suggestions for our own sputtering hoopdies. Fat lot of good that did us. Oh well, back to Pep Boys we go. (Wait, someone voted for them.)

BEST BUSINESS THAT CLOSED RECENTLY

(tie) Enigma Cafe and the Desert Inn

Montgomery Ward only got one vote!! I'm going home. Oh, all right, a few words for the, er, "winners." We're actually very sorry that our restaurant reviewer, Lenadams Dorris, had to close the sweet and jungly Enigma. So long, nighttime poetry readings. So long, afternoon sunslants with tea and bumblebees. But you know what? Len's a little tired of all the lamenting, so we'll shut up now. As for the DI -- well, hell, that's Vegas for ya. Hey, did you catch the early Tuesday implosion?

BEST PLACE TO BUY PORN AND NOT BE EMBARRASSED

Adult Superstore (A.S.S.)

Cute. In Spanish, the word for pregnant (meaning with child) is embarazada. So it's good to know that there are places like this A.S.S. where one can purchase carnal fabulousness without getting embarazada. That makes me very very happy. I will not be going home to cry today.

BEST PLACE TO PAWN YOUR WEDDING RING

Superpawn

My friend, she used to believe with all of her Harlequin-fed heart that new divorcees did, indeed, toss their gold wedding rings into the Truckee River in Reno before returning to the divorce ranch for a horseback ride. Then she comes down here, to Las Vegas, only to have some TV-nosey debunk that whole legend. Like it's anyone down here's business what folks say up there in Reno. Hey, does Las Vegas have any colorful tales of wedding ring tossery? No, of course not. Who in their right Las Vegas mind would pretend that money isn't the object? We pawn our rings. At Superpawn.

BEST PLACE TO BUY A GUN

You think we're gonna just broadcast this information?

OK, most of you said "pawn shop" and a couple said "gun show," and the rest ricocheted between "my boyfriend's house" and places like "Craven's Gun Haven" and "American Shooters." Closest runner-up to the pawns, though, was Wal-Mart. Ah, America.

BEST PLACE TO BUY FAKE ID

Censored!!! Censored!!!

Heh heh. Really, folks, there are no winners here, unless you want to crown these most-votes answers: "any high school" and "retired LV cop's house." Hmm. Note to wisecracker who asked, "Is your readership that young or are they all just terrorists?": This ain't just about buying beer and blowing up shit. Thousands of workers in this valley come here poor and without country documents, to work the low-pay jobs that locals shun. Some get fake ID so they can recycle our garbage and hammer up our new homes in relative peace. Just a fact of Vegas life. So there.

Chow and Spirits

BEST INDEPENDENTLY OWNED RESTAURANT

Strings

OK. By the rules of our own game, we declare Strings, the neo-Italian restaurant on Tropicana, to be the winner in this category. HOWEVER ... a disproportionate number of the votes received went to them, and many of those were eerily similar. Perhaps a group of people who really, really like Strings kinda got together, eh? In any case, it's not like we're talking McDonald's. Strings has been around awhile and is a lot of people's favorite Italian joint. Congrats.

BEST RESTAURANT TO TAKE A DATE WHEN YOU REALLY WANT TO GET LAID

Picasso

We're not sure whether Picasso at the Bellagio will put a Best of the Valley plaque up next to the one from Esquire declaring it the nation's best restaurant a couple of years ago, but we think they should. After all, what better reputation than one that says your food is so enticing, your decor so alluring and your staff so suave, that the magic lasts long enough to get home (or at least

to the car). Cheapskates beware ... like everything else related to love and sex, Picasso's gonna cost you. You can always find a lust object who's satisfied with Taco Bell ... Meanwhile, Top of the World high in the sky hit second place.

BEST RESTAURANT FOR A BREAK-UP

McDonald's

Some of us here at CityLife believe that we got what we deserved for putting this category up in the first place. Just don't ask us to lunch until after you take us to Picasso, OK? Our intrepid heartbreakers recognized Denny's as second only to Mickey D's, while Rainforest Cafe (?), Marie Callender's, Roberto's and Wendy's tied for third. What is it ... at Rainforest Cafe you tell them they're all wet, and at Marie Callender's it's a pie in the face?

BEST PLACE TO GET RID OF THE MUNCHIES

7-11

No doubt, there's a certain Cheech and Chongesque charm to 7-11, especially the one across from the University, and some of those weird franchisee-owned stores. But would you really want to eat anything there (anything not pre-wrapped in cellophane, that is)? Well, apparently our readers do. We were rooting for Taco Bell, which has kept its prices low while phasing out animal lard and some of their more dubious '70s-style concoctions ... shoot, it's almost healthy to eat there now! Taco Bell did come in second, tied with Fatburger (we'll grant you that), while the ubiquitous McDonald's and the almost-ubiquitous Roberto's tied for third.

BEST VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT

Sweet Tomatoes

Gosh, we love these joke categories. If there were ever a city more inimical to vegetarians, it probably was somewhere in Central Asia during the time of Genghis Khan. Everybody's favorite salad bar, Sweet Tomatoes, came out on top, followed in second and third place with total confusion. That's right folks: In second place was the number of ballots that said something along the lines of "What the hell are you talking about?" followed closely in third place by the ballots reading something like "There are vegetarian restaurants? Tell us where!" How about a rat tart without so much rat in it?

BEST LATE NIGHT DINING

(tie) Venetian, Ruth's Chris Steak House

Now here's a category our respondents had some better creds in. The ultimate late night pseudo-Mafioso hang, the almost 30-year-old Venetian on West Sahara, swept the field. Last we'd heard, they had gotten rid of the late night half-price specials, but that doesn't seemed to have deterred anyone. A little harder to swallow is Ruth's Chris, which tied with the Venetian. If people are choosing this pricey joint as a late-night spot, their day job must involve munitions or health care. We suspect the people who chose Ruth's Chris Steakhouse are friends with the guys at Strings ...

BEST PLACE TO EAT WITH YOUR HANDS

Excalibur's Tournament of Kings

We sincerely thought the top answer would be "home," but we can go along with the silly retro (way retro) Tournament of Kings over at the Excalibur, where you can pretend to be vulgar medieval royalty while butchy boys on horses run around slapping each other (did we mention our dentist used to be in the show?). Second place is tied between two burger joints, a rib joint and a taco shop, making the category almost seem like a trick question.

BEST BUFFET TO AVOID FOOD POISONING

Rio

OK, Rio ... we're printing out the certificate and expect to see it proudly displayed next to those noisome Review-Journal banners. I mean, this is the real deal, isn't it? Would you rather have the opposite reputation, huh? Strangely, Circus Circus' Great Buffet, once the city's most maligned buffet, tied for second with the Golden Nugget Buffet. The third place nine-way split proves that if you think about something long enough, it will completely lose all meaning.

BEST JAVA

Starbucks

In a surprising upset, Starbucks reigned over every other java joint in town. What's that you say? There are other java joints? Why yes, Virginia, there are at least two more, like local chain Jitters (almost matching Starbuck

s in the number of locations) and the granddaddy-by-default of all real local coffeehouses, Cafe Espresso Roma. Sadly, the real coffeehouse scene in Vegas has slipped quietly backward over the last year, a fact made all the more poignant by the receipt of one vote for Enigma Garden Cafe (which closed in December of last year).

BEST WINE LIST

Aureole

We could have printed the winner in this category at the same time we printed the question. There is no larger or more compellingly displayed wine selection than that at Aureole inside Mandalay Bay. Anyone who has seen the glowing three story column manned by athletic wine monkeys would automatically choose the place, even if the lists at other local venues are more subtle and chosen by more discriminating sommeliers. Napa at the Rio came in second, while third place was local favorite Andre's French Restaurant. (We were heartened by the vote received for the Catholic Church.)

BEST LOOKING WAIT/HOST STAFF

Strings

Right. Those people over at Strings are so wacky. You'd think they should all be in pictures instead of slogging around plates of pasta. Nice try, whoever stuffed the ballot on this one. Assuming it wasn't the staff itself, it is rather charming to think that Strings has such loyal patrons. Coming in second, strangely, was the entire Rio hotel. We'll grant that the restaurants at the Rio are top notch, but we've never been particularly bowled over by the wait staff's good looks. On the other hand, there are those cocktail waitresses ... Pink Taco came in third, and unlike in most of the categories this year, we can give a big huzzah. The Taco's staff are indeed quite extraordinary looking, as are most of the Hard Rock's employees.

Sunset to Sunrise

BEST ROCK 'N' ROLL VENUE

House of Blues

In 1999, House of Blues opened to the relief of many music fans, and ever since it has remained hands down the locals' favorite rock spot. From Better Than Ezra to Phatter Than Albert, HOB has hosted a slew of different rock acts, showcasing more bands on a regular basis than its chief competitor -- the Joint at the Hard Rock -- while still throwing down the welcome mat for local artists. And that sound system? Best in town.

BEST LOCAL MUSIC ACT THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BEING SIGNED

Mark Huff

Since there was no clear majority winner, we're picking it, and the honor goes to Mark Huff. We don't know that the venerable Vegas native actually doesn't care whether he's signed or not. Who knows what he would do if presented with the right deal. But given that he's stuck it out with his own Exodus Records and still sold albums the world 'round, Huff has yet to show he's an industry slut or a label showcase opportunist. Instead, he's proved to be the best songwriter in town, evidenced in this year's loose, introspective Clean.

BEST JAZZ SPOT

Blue Note

The new Las Vegas isn't exactly what you'd call a jazz town. We don't get much of the Joshua Redman or Wynton Marsalis types, despite the fact that jazz seems tailor made for a city-of-the-night like ours. But, according to the wide variety of venues voted for in this year's poll, there seems to be more jazz spots than you'd expect (especially in west Las Vegas). This year's winner: the Blue Note, who despite having to forego booking major headliners, has won over Las Vegans as far as live, local jazz goes.

BEST UNLV BAR FOR AVOIDING FRAT BOYS

Double Down Saloon

So it's 11 p.m. on a Thursday night, and you can't get a table at the Crown and Anchor, mostly because every Greek meathead and his rugby playing, paddle-swatting brother have congregated in the small pub. Where's one to go to avoid the fraternal riffraff? You readers couldn't pick a majority winner in your own searches, but we think there's a clear victor.

The Double Down is your haven. First of all, it's near all the popular gay clubs, so naturally frat boys will be too insecure to venture that way. Second, there's no Dave Matthews in the jukebox (last time we checked). And third, one look inside and it's

clear the Abercrombie & Fitch jet set ain't welcome. (Also a top college bar pick in the recent issue of Rolling Stone.)

BEST BREWPUB

Gordon Biersch

It's hard to think of two more distinct brewpubs in the valley than Gordon Biersch and Holy Cow. Located on Paradise Road just north of Flamingo, Gordon Biersch is frequented by power-lunchers and the polished, single set. The Las Vegas Boulevard South-based Holy Cow, on the other hand, is haunted mostly by budget-strapped tourists and blue-collar locals. Yet the two microbreweries battled to the last vote in this category, with Gordon Biersch scoring a narrow victory. The Monte Carlo Brewpub finished third. Chicago Brewing Company and the Triple 7 Brewpub also received multiple votes.

BEST PLACE TO SHOOT POOL

Pink E's

A perennial winner in this category, Pink E's popularity is somewhat difficult to explain. Located on West Flamingo Road directly across from the Rio, it features hot-pink pool tables, nude pinups in its bathrooms and live butt-rock bands on the weekends. Its sticks and tables are a bit roughed up and its prices are fair but not cheap (sticks rent for a $1, its seven-foot tables are 50 cents a game and its nine-foot tables are $7 an hour). However, Pink E's does offer free pool every Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Guess that kinda helps explain that whole popularity thing.

BEST GAY/LESBIAN HANGOUT

Gipsy

The results of this category basically mirror the Best Place for Men to Cruise Men category. Gipsy won handily, doubling Free Zone's total votes. Votes were also cast for Flex and the Las Vegas Lounge.

BEST STRIP CLUB

Olympic Garden

For four consecutive years, OG has won variations of this competitive category -- and it's easy to understand why. It features tons of hot strippers, a convenient location (on Las Vegas Boulevard South between downtown and the Strip) and a large, comfortable space. A tip to fellow skinflints: Since OG houses video poker machines, it has to let gamblers in free. Cheetah's and the Library finished second and third respectively. The Palomino Club, the only strip joint in the valley that serves alcoholic beverages and has totally nude dancers, also received multiple votes.

BEST NIGHTCLUB/LOUNGE

Ra

Since opening in the Luxor hotel-casino on New Year's Eve 1997, Ra has remained remarkably consistent. While its competitors have changed formats, fired resident DJs and folded, the Egyptian-themed club keeps giving patrons what they want. Wednesday night's "Pleasuredome" showcases global electronic music acts, and longtime resident Duane King has a knack for knowing what tracks keep the venue's mixed (locals and tourists) clientele on the dance floor. Ra edged out Studio 54 and the Voodoo Lounge.

BEST CLUB DOOR PERSONNEL

Rumjungle

A nightclub's door personnel is typically the first and last thing patrons encounter. Consequently, it's extremely important for a club to assemble a staff that's knowledgeable, efficient and as polite as possible. According to our readers, Mandalay Bay's Rumjungle has done just that. Studio 54 finished a close second. Club Utopia, House of Blues and Ra also received votes.

BEST GO-GO DANCERS

Ra

When Vegas' club scene began to blossom in 1998, a year after Club Utopia debuted, go-go dancers were a luxury. Today, they're a necessity. Every club -- even the somewhat-conservative Studio 54 and the once-pure Utopia -- employs a group of go-go dancers that work the cages and poles from open to close. Despite the wealth of competition, Ra's dancers stand out. In short, they have rhythm and are hot as hell. Rumjungle and Studio 54 finished second and third respectively.

BEST LOCAL CLUB/RAVE DJ THAT DOESN'T PLAY DARUDE

Robert Oleysyck

Judging from the number of "who?" votes we received in this category, it appears we have some explaining to do. Darude is the happy-go-lucky Finnish musician responsible for club anthems "Feel the Beat" and "Sandstorm." And while spinning his records isn't a sin, it can indicate that a DJ is pandering to an

all-too-cheesy crowd. Oleysyck, Club Utopia's founding resident DJ, doesn't have to resort to such tactics. He is versatile, a skilled technician and has exquisite taste. Oleysyck also won our inaugural Best Club DJ category in 1999.

BEST PLACE TO MEET NICE PEOPLE

Church

Apparently, there's a nighttime scene among our most sacred of institutions, full of pleasant people playing well with others. Or perhaps we've just stuck this category in the wrong section. Nonetheless, if you're looking to escape the many meanies of Las Vegas, and make some friends while you're at it, God has a place for you in His home -- as long as you're not gay, liberal or mohawked, of course.

High Rolling

BEST STRIP HOTEL-CASINO

Mandalay Bay

The goal of modern-day megaresorts seems to be to assemble, under one roof, everything a guest could possibly need. Mandalay Bay epitomizes this. If you're hungry, it has Wolfgang Puck's Lupo. If you want to take in a concert, it has House of Blues. If you want to party, it has Rumjungle. The two-and-a-half-year-old resort also features a well-rounded casino, its own beach and an arena. The only hotel-casino to challenge Mandalay Bay in this category was the uppity Bellagio. Caesars Palace and Paris Las Vegas tied for third.

BEST DOWNTOWN HOTEL-CASINO

The Golden Nugget

Binion's Horseshoe has traditionally fared well in our BOV polls, but the legendary hotel-casino had to settle for a second-place tie in this category -- and it wasn't even close. The comparatively upscale Golden Nugget, a MGM Mirage property, simply crushed its bourgeois competition. The smoky Plaza hotel-casino shared second with equally smoky Binion's. Main Street Station, Fitzgerald's and the Four Queens also snagged multiple votes.

BEST HOTEL-CASINO TO PUT YOUR TWENTYSOMETHING BROTHER IN

The Hard Rock

You can put your testosterone-drunk twentysomething brother up in the Hard Rock, just don't tell your parents we recommended it. The flowing booze, the smoking cocktail waitresses and the high-stakes gambling can drive a young man to his knees, you know. Not to mention the late-night clubbing and the ensuing afternoon's sports betting. Hell, bro may never make it out of there alive.

BEST HOTEL-CASINO TO PUT YOUR MOM IN

(tie) Caesars Palace and the Mirage

Finding the right hotel-casino in Las Vegas for Ma can be a difficult task. She probably prefers a place that's relatively quiet, semi-upscale and a safe distance from the Strip's epicenter. In short, she's looking for all the things your rowdy friends so desperately try to avoid. Our readers recommend Caesars Palace and the Mirage. The Bellagio, the Luxor and Paris Las Vegas all tied for second place and the MGM Grand finished alone in third.

BEST HOTEL-CASINO TO PUT YOUR GRANDPARENTS IN

The Bellagio

If you can afford it, why the hell not? Grandma and Grandpa would most certainly be impressed with "O," Picasso's and Lake Bellagio's dancing fountains. Hell, they may even write you into their wills. Our readers also recommend Caesars Palace, Paris Las Vegas and the Stardust. Of course, these are the same readers who voted McDonald's the Best Restaurant for a Break-Up, so you may want to do some research before making reservations.

BEST HOTEL-CASINO TO PUT YOUR WORST ENEMY IN

The Boardwalk

Does a crueler, more inhumane punishment than an overnight stay at Circus Circus really exist? According to our readers, yes. An overnighter at the south-Strip Boardwalk Casino. Maybe it's the creepy Coney Island exterior decor our readers find so unappealing. Or perhaps it's the tough-to-swallow Surf Buffet. Of course, it could always be the limited table gambling. Whatever the reason, there's something about the Boardwalk that compelled our readers to vote it the Best Hotel-Casino to Put Your Worst Enemy In ahead of Circus Circus, the Stratosphere and -- gulp -- the Gold Spike.

BEST LOW-STAKES GAMBLING

The Gold Coast

Coast Resorts properties seem to specialize in offering low-stakes gambling in a faux-upscale environment. Th

e Orleans and Suncoast, two clean and well-lighted places, offer $3 blackjack and craps. The chandelier-filled Barbary Coast, which is situated on the Strip, has $1 roulette. And, apparently, the Gold Coast also features an assortment of meager minimum wagers. We wouldn't know, however, because we can't handle the secondhand smoke. Binion's Horseshoe finished a close second. The Golden Gate, Slots A Fun and Suncoast tied for third.

BEST SWIM-UP BLACKJACK

The Tropicana

As if losing money without catching cancer wasn't torture enough, a few hotel-casinos offer 21 in the desert sun. One of them is the classic Tropicana. The other, judging from votes cast, is the Hard Rock. No other hotel-casino received more than one vote in this category. The Trop, whose swim-up blackjack game has been shelved until the spring, doubled the Hard Rock's total.

BEST SPORTS BOOK

The Las Vegas Hilton

The so-called Superbook doesn't feature a tote board, offers limited prop bets and is seemingly always under construction. And yet our readers voted it the Best Sports Book in the valley for the fourth consecutive year. (It tied Caesars Palace's book for first place in 1998.) It must be its private parking lot and numerous big-screen TVs. Caesars Palace's massive sports book, which was recently renovated, finished second. The Gold Coast and the Orleans books, both of which are extremely popular with locals, tied for third.

BEST PLACE TO DROP OFF YOUR KIDS WHILE YOU GAMBLE AWAY GROCERY MONEY

Circus Circus

Our readers cast a frightening number of enlightening votes in this category. Kids Quest, an hourly child-care center, was scrawled on a number of ballots, as was the more obvious Gameworks. However, old reliable Circus Circus won out in the end. Its Adventuredome and the Midway can keep the kiddies entertained for eons while you place their trust fund money on the pass line.

BEST METHOD FOR BYPASSING A CASINO'S MANDATORY DRUG TEST

Stay clean

While not particularly creative, you gotta respect it. Staying clean is the only sure way of passing a hotel-casino's mandatory drug test. Use someone else's urine, a traditional and rather predictable method, was a close runner-up. TRY THE FOLLOWING TRICK AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! One reader offered, "Shave your head and drink a glass of water a minute."

Down and Out

BEST TEMP AGENCY

ManPower

Did you know that Nevada's road construction signs are throwbacks to another, more sexist time? "Men working ahead," the yellow diamonds say. Lots of other states have de-genderfied this, folks. Anyway, ManPower it is. All tenseness aside, keep up the good work, ManPower: Layoff-Las Vegas needs you now more than ever.

BEST PAY-DAY LOAN SCAM

Dollar Loan Center

Followed swiftly by those annoying squiggly-voiced bugs at Money Tree. So, probably no surprises here. Scammers abound in the City of Sin and Tricky Opportunists. But we are curious about one lone answer, "Louie in the corner." Would that be Louie, who hangs out at Cheetah's on Fridays? Or do you mean Louie, that guy in that other corner of town?

BEST DUMPSTER-DIVING LOCALE

Downtown

Everyone's got a favorite place to forage, and there were no two answers the same except for "downtown." Hey, no elbowing! Oh, and we have to say that all you divers had better watch out for one Richard E-- (name truncated to avoid tort slinging), who was nominated by, we think, his wife. We think she meant, best dumpster-diving "local," not locale. So beware -- this guy's good, very good.

BEST FREE SHELTER

M.A.S.H.

"When open." That's the caveat you all placed upon your votes for the Village. But, despite criticism from many that the charity's emergency tent is closed more often than open, there's still a warm place in people's hearts for M.A.S.H. So how's about opening the tent to warm their bodies, too?

BEST PLACE TO NAP IN PUBLIC

Circle Park

Just don't wake up the little black dog snoozing by the picnic table. She's old, she had a rough night, her owner's at work, and that man over there is looking after her

even though he don't look like he is. Be respectful. Don't wake anyone up. Don't steal that bicycle. If it gets too crowded for your liking, try Sunset Park across town. Or City Hall, that got a few votes.

BEST PLACE TO BE MOUNTAIN LION BAIT

Mount Charleston

Good guess, we guess. How come nobody mentioned the Strip?

BEST SPOT FOR WRITING DARK POETRY

Cafe Espresso Roma

Yep, and it's also a place where you can stand right up and read it out loud! Dark dark dark. Po (me) et (a sandwich) ree (king with the rot). Dark. Dark. Doom. Corners. Louie. Shadows. A cheetah, racing racing after me. Snap-crunch. Darkness. Dark. Darker.

BEST PLACE TO GET HARASSED BY METRO

Fremont Street

"Downtown, where everyone's happy. Go downtown." Yeah, we know -- Fremont looks really fun and all, but mind your corporate manners. Don't be selling goods on the street unless the Fremont Street Experience Establishment has hired you to sell your goods on the street. And no unauthorized spontaneous performance art, ya hear? Runners-up: "area code 702" and "just be black -- they'll find you." That pretty much covers the valley and a good portion of the populace.

The A-List

BEST ELECTED OFFICIAL

Oscar Goodman, Mayor of Las Vegas

What can we say? It's a good time for mayors. Plus, Goodman straddles the cityscape entire, with one foot in Las Vegas' much-romanticized seedy past in which he was successful lawyer to the mob, and the other foot in Vegas' future as he attempts to revitalize downtown. Goodman's charisma wins many over. Unless, of course, you're homeless, in which case his jolly ideas make you repeat the mantra, nights in your cardboard, "Please not the Jean prison, please not the Jean prison."

BEST PROSPECTIVE GOVERNOR FOR NEVADA

Oscar Goodman

Sorry, folks, he ain't running. He's "the happiest mayor in the world" in the City of Las Vegas and intends to stay that way. Dina Titus got the next highest vote count, in case you're wondering, and "raise the gaming tax" Sen. Joe Neal got the next highest. There is hope, after all. Actually, Neal tied with New York Mayor Rudolph Guiliani. How sweet.

BEST LIAR

Las Vegas City Councilman Michael McDonald

Oh c'mon, ethics schmethics. Las Vegas was built on lies and some pretty major ethical lapses, so why not let the tradition continue? Oh, you're not complaining? OK. McDonald's your man.

BEST SCANDAL

Murphy/Binion murder trial

Something about panties. Don't remember, don't care. Read the book.

BEST BANKRUPTCY LAWYER

(tie) Jan Paul Koch and Frank Sorrentino

Advertising works. Apparently, some of you are just remembering these guys' TV commercials. However, Koch no long does bankruptcy cases. But if you and your race car get into a ding-up, he can help. And Sorrentino? Well, he's still on, it seems. His hotline recording declares: "I have filed the most bankruptcy cases in Southern Nevada over the last 10 years."

BEST COMMUNITY POLEMIC

No winners.

It's sad, but no surprise, that no one person got more than one vote. Some rock-dweller even voted in a mountain (Yucca, to be specific). Southern Nevada must rank lowest on the list in terms of community activism and even lower in terms of community awareness. Those rare individuals who do dare to speak up for "unpopular" measures -- raising the gaming tax (Sen. Joe Neal), improving opportunities and education for people on the West Side (Marzette Lewis), for examples -- are relegated to the very fringey fringe of Las Vegas politics. We and a few readers, however, salute them.

BEST ANTI-BULLSHIT JOURNALIST

John L. Smith

One reader cast a vote for the "guy at the R-J with mustache," which got us thinking. Thomas Mitchell? Vin Suprynowicz? Barbara Robinson? Of course not. The reader, no doubt, was alluding to the Bard of the 'Vard, John L. Smith. Smith, a native Nevadan and reformed sportswriter, while not an unrelenting cage rattler, is certainly not afraid to call a spade a spade. KLAS Channel 8 investigative reporter George Knapp, who had a mustache last we checked, fin

ished second. Las Vegas Sun contributor Jon Ralston (mustache) and Suprynowicz tied for third. The moral of this capsule seems to be: If you want to be a hard-hitting journalist, grow a mustache.

BEST LOCALLY AUTHORED BOOK

(tie) Murder in Sin City and On the Boulevard

Judging from voter response, this category stumped a lot of readers. Not only were they asked to come up with a book (gasp), it had to be written by a local author. In the end, the mustached Jeff German's (this is getting frightening) Murder in Sin City and John L. Smith's On the Boulevard shared the honor. Art critic Dave Hickey's Air Guitar and Vin Suprynowicz's Send in the Waco Killers also received votes.

BEST RADIO PERSONALITY WITH A BRAIN

Duke Morgan

Who, you ask? Well, quite honestly, we asked the same damn question. Apparently, Duke Morgan is KJUL 104.3-FM's deep-voiced afternoon DJ. He spins adult standards and is particularly passionate about medical issues, which his gray-haired listenership no doubt appreciates. The syndicated Howard Stern, who is broadcast locally on KXTE 107.5-FM, finished second to Morgan (you'll never read that again). KXNT 840-AM's Alan Stock and KXTE's Hardy tied for third.

BEST LOOKING NEWS ANCHOR NOT NAMED NINA RADETICH OR GARY WADDELL

Paula Francis

Taking Radetich out of this category made readers think. And, in the end, they settled on Waddell's KLAS Channel 8 co-anchor Paula Francis. The pleasant and attractive Francis, who was inducted into the KLAS Hall of Fame in July 2000, edged out KVBC Channel 3 anchor Jim Snyder. KVBC anchor/reporter Chera Kimiko finished third.

BEST ENTERTAINER NOT ADVERTISED IN THE R-J'S NEON SECTION

The Snake Babe, Studio 54

One of the best markers of artistic integrity in this town is that you've never been a part of the Review-Journal's Friday entertainment section, also known as Neon. In a town that purports to be the entertainment capital of the world, its own daily newspaper wouldn't know real entertainment if Las Vegas actually had it. Seeing as our readers actually get it -- some of them, that is -- the winner of this category does not disappoint: the Snake Babe, just one "performance artist" in the popular party that is "Eden," at Studio 54 every Tuesday night.

BEST STAND-UP COMIC

Jay Leno

When Las Vegas seemed destined for a massive economic breakdown, after the Sept. 11 attacks, frequent visitor Jay Leno decided to do his part. The "Tonight Show" host booked a couple of gigs at the MGM Grand, hoping to get tourists and locals alike to patronize the hotel if he offered free admission. Though Leno's no local, he comes here to play so much, he almost should be. Some other notable winners: Marty Allen, spoken word performer Dayvid Figler and Carrot Top (yikes!).

BEST DRAG QUEEN

Frank Marino

This category produced all sorts of humorous picks (Harrah's entertainer Cook E. Jarr, hair metal singer Mark Slaughter, former mayor Jan Jones), but at the end of the day, you knew who was gonna come out, uh, on top. A longtime staple at An Evening at La Cage, Frank Marino has become Vegas' reigning queen. And if you don't believe it, we've got the endless publicity pictures -- mostly of him and some visiting celebrity -- to prove it.

BEST ESCORT (MALE OR FEMALE)

Meike, nightlife writer

Meike, who visits Las Vegas nightspots and writes about them, isn't actually the majority winner of this category (she, like everyone else, was voted for once). The gossip columnist may not actually be a professional call girl, either. But given that she writes for the Las Vegas Weekly, she's a whore in our eyes. Plus, if you've ever seen those ass-accentuating, go-go dancer-like outfits she wears in her pictures -- and apparently, one of you has -- then you can understand her inclusion here.

STAFF PICKS

BEST PLACE TO PRETEND YOU'RE IN A SECRET MILITIA (besides Pahrump)

River Mountains

In Henderson, of course. Morning, noon and night, men in their pickups drive up int

o the River Mountains canyons and blablablablablast away at innocent rocks and cacti. Thanks, guys, we feel so much safer now. Can't walk in the hills, but hey -- that's the price of Freedom. And nevermind that it's National Park Service domain and so off limits to shooting.

BEST-SMELLING PLACE

Top of the hill on Charleston Blvd., just east of I-15

You know, that spot in traffic near Red Rooster Antiques, where the warm and lovely scent of fresh-baked bread wafts along the air from the Holsum Italian Bread Co.

BEST THEATER TROUPE

The Nevada Theatre Company

Is there any doubt? For three consecutive years, CityLife has named the daring three-year old Nevada Theatre Company number one in Vegas. Under the direction of Deanna Duplechain, the group is tucked away in a small mini-mall at The Lakes and performs in a small room (at 2928 Lake East Drive, formerly a video store, the one the late actress Dana Plato attempted to rob). But the members' ability to bring to life everything from children's shows to modern dramas to wonderfully sick, over-the-top cross-dressing adult comedies proves that good theater ain't about huge budgets. The directing, acting, sets and costumes have all helped raise local standards of excellence.

BEST ARTHOUSE MOVIE THEATER

Non-existent

Yeah, valley movie fans already know the cruel truth: The best Vegas can offer by way of arthouse fare are the DVD and foreign tape sections of the nearest Hollywood Video store. As sharp-eyed CineLife readers also know, the closest we have to an actual big screen indie-flick showcase is the Regal Village Square, where one or two non-mainstream films run most weeks. Their only (weak) competition to date has been the Century Suncoast, which this year screened Amores Perros, The Center of the World and Ghost World. But there is a glimmer of hope. The management of the new Brenden Theatres multiplex, due to open next month in the Palms, seems marginally less indifferent to indie flicks than their local rivals (Regal, Century and UA). All the same, movie buffs, don't go chopping up that video store card quite yet.

BEST DRIVE-UP ESPRESSO BAR

Nelson's Espresso

For those caffeine addicts who can never seem to get their fix quick enough, they can swing through the corner of Sandhill and Flamingo and get a triple-shot without even leaving their cars. The only thing better would be a caffeine patch or I.V., which have yet to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration.

WORST ESPRESSO BAR

Century Theatres CafŽs

Why would someone give the power of espresso to a regular movie theater floor staff member? The world may never know. The movie theaters are better off serving that premixed cappuccino wanna-be crap they serve at Denny's. It's a poor substitute for the real thing, but at least it's easy to prepare.

BEST DRIVE-THROUGH LIQUOR STORE

Drive-In Liquor

Granted, the Drive-In Liquor store in Henderson is the only drive-in liquor store in the valley -- all the more reason it's worth mentioning. If you are one of those alcoholics who is constantly on the go, a visit to the drive-through liquor store is just what you need.

BEST BREAKFAST RESTAURANT

Omelette House

While the Omelette House is the best, and often busiest, breakfast spot around, it is also the best restaurant in town that closes too early. The Rancho location closes at 3 p.m. every day and the Boulder Highway location is only open until 2 p.m. This is fine if you want breakfast when you wake up (provided you wake up before 2 p.m.) or an early lunch. The Omelette House is not open when you really want breakfast, though. You know, at 3 a.m.