Get out of town!

Michael O'Sullivan

We'll keep this short, so we don't give Michael O'Sullivan any more attention than he deserves.

O'Sullivan founded a political organization, the White People's Party, to promote the interest of white people. (He's apparently never heard of the Republicans.) The White People's Party opposes immigration and affirmative-action programs. It also hopes to establish a White History Month.

O'Sullivan is affiliated with another creepy organization, National Vanguard, which has distributed racist literature in Las Vegas and elsewhere. It has also paid for anti-immigration billboards.

According to interviews, O'Sullivan is in favor of segregation. He believes immigrants are taking our country away from us. (Apparently, he's not a history major.) He believes Jews run the media. That Hitler didn't kill anyone. He doesn't tip non-white servers, because he doesn't want to encourage them to stay in the country. He doesn't want to have anything to do with minorities whatsoever.

We hope this says enough about Michael O'Sullivan and why we're kicking him out of town. If not -- if you don't understand what's wrong with this fool -- you can get out of town, too!

Mitigating factor: High price of gasoline makes modern-day cross burnings economically unfeasible.

MATT O'BRIEN

The Blue Man Group

If you cherish the sense of childlike wonder inspired by one of the world's many fine Blue Man show franchises, it pays to keep in mind that children are easily fooled because they're fundamentally stupid. However, pity the rare tourist who manages to keep his wits about him during Blue Man's clattering spectacle. He'll leave with a completely different feeling: wanting a refund.

But noisy, plotless paeans to pure imagination sure do rake in the tourist bucks; just witness how the Blue Man Group has metastasized from a trio of avant-garde street performers in New York to a global brand of latex baldies hawking Pentium microchips and opening new shows worldwide. (The latest opened in June in Toronto, where labor groups protested BMG's decision to not employ union workers.) We won't begrudge these enterprising performance artists their mainstream appeal and commercial success; that's simply the way of the world. And we certainly harbor no beef with the local Blue Man branch's after-hours projects such as Uberschall. In fact, we applaud it. It's the rare, refreshing case in which a Strip headliner helps cultivate some real off-Strip culture.

But if Vegas is the terminal point where overexposure erupts into a wretch-inducing turd nebula, and a pop phenom's ubiquity clouds the very notion of originality and artistic merit, then the Blue Man Group represents the idea in the extreme: from underground to mainstream to overrated to that red-gauge level where you just wanna grab a firehose and blast the blue paint off those faces stuck in that goddamn expression of childish, overwrought surprise that looks like someone stuck a blue finger where it shouldn't be.

Thus, we shove the Blue Men into a playfully elaborate tube construction, plug it into a Howitzer, aim for the moon and say, "Get out of town!"

Mitigating factor: There's still plenty of creepy acts left in Las Vegas.

ANDREW KIRALY

The Roy Horn Grief Cult

It's been more than two years since former performing slave animal Montecore came to his senses, realized he was born to be a paramedic, and tried to save Roy Horn from a stroke using his razor-sharp teeth.

Or whatever story Roy Horn's deranged partner tells himself to foster denial of the fact that in knowingly working with animals that are genetically designed to kill, it was only a matter of time until something went horribly awry -- in which case Horn bears some responsibility for this "accident." And accident is exactly what people call it, as though Montecore was a piano dropped from a crane or malfunctioning elevator. Listen: There is no OSHA regulation out there that would've prevented Montecore from indulging a bizarre momentary craving for a neck sandwich.

It's no accident, but it is a tragedy. Roy Horn was a talented magician with deep roots in the entertainment industry, a man whose career is now over. It is good and right to grieve. But trotting the poor wheelchair-bound guy out for soft-focus, pornographically "inspirational" interviews and other gross displays of drippy solicitude only cheapen the man's pain, anguish and triumphs.

So, Roy Horn Griefsploitation Conga Line, get the fuck out of town -- pursued, we hope, by a rabid Montecore. But do know that our hearts are not so hard that we won't hold a touching candelight vigil in remembrance of what mercenary assholes you are.

Mitigating factor: Tigers are cool.

AK

Republic Services

Say you live in an apartment, duplex or condo in the Las Vegas Valley and you want to recycle. That's too bad because thanks to a legal loophole the valley's curbside recycling program -- which is run by garbage company Republic Services -- doesn't have to pick up your aluminum, paper or glass.

According to state law, Republic Services is allowed to classify "multi-family housing" (aka apartments, duplexes and condos) as commercial property. And they don't do commercial property. But the kicker is, commercial recycling companies don't serve apartments and the like because they are a residential property. It's a true Catch-22 that keeps both Republic Services and commercial recycling companies off the hook.

Basically, if you live in an apartment, condo or duplex in the valley -- and according to Clark County about 40 percent of valley housing is "multi-family" -- you aren't getting served. Considering that recycling pick-up fees are already part of the regular trash collection bill, anyone who isn't getting served is essentially getting screwed. (To be fair, when the trash company did field recycling bins at some apartment complexes, stupid tenants just tossed regular trash therein.)

But things aren't much better if you own your home. It can take months, before you receive those "free" red, blue and white recycle bins for curbside pick-up. And with allegations that recycling materials are sometimes getting dumped in with the regular trash, some of Republic's customers are less than confident in the system.

And don't forget how the valley's sole trash collector -- they have an exclusive contract through 2035 -- tested out an idea to reduce trash pick-up to once a week, while keeping recycling pick-up the same (every other week). All the while the trash bill would stay the same. Company officials said it was to boost lagging recycling rates but it sure looked like a way to increase their bottom line. Maybe if the company just got off its profit-cushioned ass and started picking up recyclables from every residence, those rates would go up.

Mitigating factor: Newspapers, glass bottles and aluminum cans make any landfill look pretty.

EMMILY BRISTOL

Best of the Valley voters

Just for a moment, Best of the Valley voters, raise your heads from that trough of gluey processed pasta food product and allow us to address your fat, unadventurous heads. What chronic disease of the mind makes it so amenable to corporate brainwashing that you think Olive Garden serves the best Italian food? That P.F. Chang's serves the best Chinese? That the McSwill dispensed by the indiebot borg-girls at Starbucks is the valley's best coffee? And if you think that Anthem offers the best view of the valley, well ... you're probably quite well-off and are too busy licking cocaine off the creamy thighs off your Merry Maid to really appreciate it anyway.

Our ballots are in: Get out of town!

Mitigating factor: At least a couple readers named Piero's best Italian.

AK

Atomic Testing Museum

When it opened in February, the Atomic Testing Museum seemed like a pretty good idea. The museum, theoretically, would serve as an educational tool for students. It would provide locals and tourists details of the role the Nevada Test Site played in the Cold War. It would host events that would further educate the public on atomic testing -- the good, the bad and the ugly.

While the museum has done some of these things, it only tells part of the story.

Funded by companies that profited from the test site, and in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Energy, the museum is woefully unbalanced. It shows the dedication of test site workers -- without detailing how they suffered physically and mentally. It displays artifacts of Native Americans who lived on the land now occupied by the test site -- without explaining the grievances of the tribes. Timelines mark the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings -- but not when the death toll reached 150,000.

Visitors have to watch the museum's films or video displays to get any detailed information on the negative effects of nuclear testing and weapons.

Indeed, the museum has had the opportunity to be more balanced. In late April, about 70 Japanese activists -- including descendants of victims of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings -- visited the museum and presented it with posters of the aftermath. Instead of incorporating the posters into the exhibit, the staff stored them in the permanent collection (i.e., attic space).

Clearly, the Atomic Testing Museum provides a biased and incomplete picture of nuclear testing and weapons. It would better serve the community if it included displays on fallout, radiation's effect on animals and the environment, and the mass destruction of nuke weapons.

The museum is young. It has time to find balance, to find middle ground. But until it does, we suggest it set up shop elsewhere. How about Mercury? There's plenty of available land up there.

Mitigating factor: Mushroom-cloud tie-clips are a perfect stocking stuffer for any cold warrior!

MO

Las Vegas Monorail

Yes, the Nevada Tax Commission may have blessed the Las Vegas Monorail with an exemption from sales tax, on the still-specious grounds that the train qualifies as a charity because it provides "public transportation." (Isn't the CAT bus system already ferrying passengers from the MGM Grand to the Sahara and back?) Yes, the monorail may have received the backing of big corporate advertisers (like Sprint and, perhaps soon, General Motors). And yes, it may have (more or less) gotten its mechanical kinks worked out (it hardly ever drops parts anymore).

So why should it be sent out of town?

History, baby.

This "private" system was built at the beshest of hotel-casinos, through the auspices of former Clark County Aviation Director Bob Broadbent, using state-issued, tax exempt bonds, yet it doesn't pay state sales taxes. It is built upon the public right of way, but doesn't pay the county property taxes. (It does pay a mere $50,000 in franchise fees.) It charges the public $3 for a one-way ride, during which riders are constantly bombarded with visual and audio advertising. And its CEO, Curtis Myles, formerly of the Regional Transportation Commission, makes $324,000 for running the four-mile, seven-stop monorail, far more than his former boss, Jacob Snow, who is in charge of running the entire CAT system.

And even with all the public help, the monorail still can't break even. In a few years, when its once-substantial cash reserve is gone, the monorail will be staring at default.

Cause for concern? Definitely. The late Broadbent repeatedly opined the monorail would one day be run by the county (presumably after he and partner Cam Walker profited handsomely from its construction and first few years of "management.")

Mitigating factor: Provides high-paying jobs for future gubernatorial aspirants.

STEVE SEBELIUS

Federal indictees

Of the four ex-Clark County Commissioners under federal indictment, we are sure of the guilt of only one -- Erin Kenny, queen of corruption. But there's plenty of pre-trial reasons to send a couple others -- Lance Malone and Dario Herrera -- out of town now, instead of waiting for a jury's verdict in the federal G-sting corruption case. Malone has already been convicted of proffering bribes to San Diego politicians. And when he was a commissioner here, he was awful. He went from criticizing strip clubs to working for them after uttering one of the most memorable lines in local politics: "All an elected official has sometimes is his word -- and this time, I'll have to back off my word." That's Malone in a nutshell (and yet, non-indicted, non-sent-out-of-town Commissioner Bruce Woodbury wrote a character reference letter for Malone as he was sentenced in the San Diego case! Go figure.)

Herrera, whose post-commissioner career has included one battery arrest and an anger-management course, had his hand out long before strip club mogul Mike Galardi (allegedly) filled it; he solicited advertising business from a company he regulated on the commission (with the district attorney's gracious permission beforehand) and lost a congressional bid largely due to a low-work, high-wage contract with the Las Vegas Housing Authority. Like Malone, voters beat lawmen to the punch and retired Herrera early.

What about Mary Kincaid-Chauncey, the grandmotherly figure who allegedly asked Malone for lap dances for her son? It's a picture almost too ugly to contemplate, but contemplate we will, as the G-sting trial gets started in 2006.

Mitigating factor: We need the jail space for a whole new batch of indictees!

SS

Scott Gragson & Tim Morse

Everybody says that land broker Scott Gragson and land appraiser Tim Morse were just taking advantage of the system, trading land with McCarran Airport and making big profits. (The corollary -- county officials are too stupid to make real-estate deals -- is not mentioned as often.) But even if the pair did nothing illegal, unethical or immoral -- which has yet to be determined -- it's highly unlikely they didn't know their actions were enriching themselves and land developers at the expense of taxpayers. And who the hell cares about taxpayers? Hardly anybody, anymore, and that's the problem.

Still, the details are suspicious: Gragson trades for a parcel slated to be used only as a cemetery and -- presto! -- the land rises from the grave, sans earthly deed restriction and ascends into a commercial parcel. Why, it's a miracle! His loyal appraiser, Morse, worked with Gragson on almost every deal, and was even selected occasionally by Clark County to do the work, which uniformly seemed to benefit developers. Morse stands accused by county auditors of estimating the value of a package of land to be traded along with a parcel he allegedly had an interest in, and of not disclosing he was business partners with the owner of another parcel whose value he estimated.

Suppose everything is, as Morse's lawyer Don Campbell says, totally legit, and the county bumbled and stumbled its way through land sales like drunken idiots with a company credit card. It's still wrong for businessmen to profit while taxpayers suffer.

Mitigating factor: The dead need not worry about being disturbed by a plane crash.

SS

Las Vegas City Council

There will be some who question why we didn't simply send golf course developer (and sweetheart of many deals) Bill Walters out of town. Answer: We may need Walters around for the indictments! We don't, however, need the Las Vegas City Council, which has given Walters the deals of a lifetime.

Back in the days when Jan Laverty Jones sat in the center seat at City Hall, Walters got a soils report that nobody else had while bidding to build a golf course on land near the sewage treatment plant. The council, having discovered that ex-Public Works Director Richard Goecke allegedly lied about the incident, simply gave the report to other would-be developers and went out to bid again. When Walters wanted to use treated wastewater from the plant (an option not included in the bid) the Jones council let him do that, too. And when he was found to be a squatter on 29 extra acres of city land, the council merely amended the lease. Then, it sold him the land for a song in 1999.

Flash forward to this year, when Walters wanted a deed restriction lifted so he could build homes on his golf course. (Sure, one estimate says it could cost up to $70 million to keep the odors from the sewage plant under control.) The council said yes anyway, for the low-low price of $7.2 million, although appraisers estimated the land is worth much more if Walters is allowed to build homes on it. It was only the revelation of past wrongdoing and an attorney general investigation that forced an embarrassed council to put the deed restriction back on. For now.

So, goodbye Jones & Co. (you know who you are). And goodbye to the current Stewart Avenue bunch (with the exception of Councilwoman Lois Tarkanian, the lone vote against the sweetheart deal).

Mitigating factor: There are still plenty of elected officials to say Walters is the smartest businessman who ever lived.

SS