Secret Santa

Despite their animated likenesses appearing in the Rankin-Bass cartoon-style opening credits, Queen Latifah and Terrence Howard just show up enough in The Perfect Holiday to either pick up a paycheck or return some kind of mysterious unpaid debt to writer-director Lance Rivera. Rivera couldn't figure out how to weave them into the story but he sure wanted to use them, so the pair are clumsily and inexplicably plopped in from time to time like Jay and Silent Bob. The film itself is about a part-time Santa Claus and would-be musician Benjamin's (Morris Chestnut) campaign to woo single mom Nancy (Gabrielle Union) by gathering intel via the secret wishes her three kids pass along when they sit on his lap.

Manipulative? Yeah, but in a good way. Little Emily (Khail Bryant) overhears Nancy wish for "a compliment" for Christmas, a euphemism for a guy who doesn't associate the letters M.I.L.F. with Nancy. John-John (Malik Hammond) wants his mom to get back together with atrocious rap star J-Jizzy (Charlie Murphy). After Benjamin hears Emily's wish and is singed by Nancy's hotness, he follows her and delivers a compliment that sounds like a pick-up line that makes her fall instantly in love. Benjamin hides his Santa status and musical aspirations from her, as well as the fact he just happened to get his demo into J-Jizzy's hands prior to finding out she used to be Mrs. Jizzy.

Union and Chestnut show signs of being able to smoke up the screen, and its hard not to root for them until The Perfect Holiday finally breaks down too close to the ending to consider the film part of anyone's future holiday traditions. Rivera's concept isn't bad, but he didn't have the skills to flesh it out himself. I do, however want to hear Jizzy's Christmas carol, "I Need Some Ho Ho Hos." Just 'cause.

MATT KELEMEN